Inquest.

My brother's Inquest was finally heard on Wednesday 21st July'10. I had wanted to attend but I was laid up with an infection after having a tooth removed. I had booked 3 days leave from work to attend the Inquest.

The evening before the Inquest, I knew I wouldn't be able to go and accepted I could do nothing about the situation. I hoped that my nephew would call me, to ask if I was going to his Father's Inquest. I had always told him I would be there and I was sure he would give me a call even if it was late evening. My nephew and I had a good relationship. I have kept in touch with him, phoned him often; he would come to see me at the library where I work, I would take a break and we would go for lunch. Sometimes he would meet me after work and we would go to my home together. He'd have dinner with me and my family and stay the night. I didn't get the call I was waiting for and that made me feel sad.

The next day I had no idea whether the Inquest had gone ahead or not. I'd had no contact from my nephew, my brother's ex-wife, or my baby brother and there was no way my sister nisha was going to contact me.

As usual I watched the BBC news at 6pm and then the BBC local SE news about 6.30pm. My brother's Inquest came on the news about halfway through the programe. I was very shocked even though I had had a feeling all day that the Inquest may be on the local news. It was weird, surreal. I saw photos of my brother and our family and then nisha was speaking to the camera on behalf of the family. I wasn't phased but I was shocked. I did realise that nisha was quite able of making this item on the local BBC news happen. She's a political being, she has contacts and she's articulate. It's the only good thing she has done in years. I'm glad that people were made aware - that if their beloved son, brother, husband, or Father, had to go into hospital, with mental health problems, within a couple of days or a couple of hours, they could be dead. We should have made people aware 5 years ago when my brother died.

The next day the Inquest continued. I have no idea what happened at the Inquest that day either. All my relatives are far too selfish to be bothered with me no matter how much I may have done for them in the past. Again there was a small piece on the BBC local SE news. There were more photos and a piece of video too. It seemed as if the Inquest had questioned whether my brother should have been given a powerful drug known as accuphase. That seemed quite positive; I had been expecting nothing to come to light at such a late stage. It seemed as if my brother's sons would be able to sue Hillingdon hospital for negligence. It was a lot more than I had expected.

On Friday 23rd July, the 5th anniversary of my brother's death, I watched the BBC local SE news again. I assumed the Inquest was still being heard. There was no mention of my brother that day. It was a bit strange as they had not said the Inquest was over the day before and I expected to hear that the Inquest had continued and that a conclusion or decision had been reached. There was a short piece on the BBC local news website but there was no further update on the Inquest. So I felt in limbo not knowing what had happened. I didn't know whether the Inquest was over or not and I didn't know the outcome of the Inquest. Obviously I felt a bit sad and depressed. Not one of my rotten, selfish family could be asked to pick up the phone to let me know what had happened at my brother's Inquest. You wouldn't treat a stranger the way they treat me. Oh dear, time to get the violins out!

The worst thing about the whole thing - no contact, watching my sister nisha on the TV - was watching her acting and talking as if she ever cared a damn about my brother. It was a great performance from nisha, Oscar worthy. The only problem with it was that it lacked honesty and it smacked of two facedness and the hypocrite in nisha was sreaming at me through my TV set. Nice try nisha, but you are a loser big time. I know and you know and our dead brother knows how much of a hypocrite you are. You hated his guts while he was alive but since he's been dead you've been the grieving sister to the tee. What is the point of hating someone while they are alive and then loving them when they are dead and long gone? I have no idea. But this is how it is for quite a few of us in our family. For nisha to give a damn about you - you have to be dead with a capital D; or you have no hope in hell of nisha giving a toss for you or yours. SAD but true.

I'm still none the wiser about what happened at the Inquest. I know as much as anybody else knows, who didn't attend my brother's Inquest. Days have passed since the Inquest was over and still no one from my family has called me or contacted me. I may as well be dead.